Heartache and Hiding

Hello readers, it’s been a while. Not going to lie, as I’m writing I feel a little nervous. Am I able to eloquently string together a sentence like days of old? Will people even care at this point after being on and off for 4 years?

These questions are even some of the things that stopped me from just jumping back into the blog. I found it best just to walk away whilst I faced my own internal demons.

So why exactly did I just stop?

My mental health.

The past few years I’ve been through some personal traumas. Friends have died either by choice or by fate, family was nearly lost, pets were taken away and friendships were destroyed. When so much is constantly being ripped away from you, it’s hard to stay positive and do the things you love.

It’s no secret either, due to my frequent ramblings on the blog, that my mental health hasn’t been great anyway. It just so happened a collective of bad things happened when I was at a personal low point, thus sinking me further. It’s been a true test of willpower, but I’m still here and that’s what’s important.

As I said, it’s hard to do what you love when you are in so much pain. Believe me when I say, I love this website. I love writing the articles, I love sharing my story, and I especially love whoever is reading this. That’s why it was so difficult, because there was so much love.

It was more than writing too. I stopped trying with friends, with my relationship. I underperformed at work, stopped going to Yoga and became disinterested with my Nintendo Switch. I got myself to a true low point where I just kept making excuses and pushed aside everything around me.

I tried pushing myself to partake in various activities. Nights out with friends or work, the odd yoga session, meeting and conversing with new people, and trying to feel comfortable with making IGTV videos for the blog.

For months I’ve been trying to fight my own thoughts, to put myself first and be more positive. I was very defeatist at first, making more excuses with “it’s not that easy” and such phrases. The reality of the situation though is that it is that easy. At least, for myself.

You have to want it, you have to believe in it and you can never lose hope and faith. I’ve been telling myself that now for the last year and it’s starting to sink in finally. I told myself that my mental health will improve, that I will be there for those who need me and for myself, and I will start posting on the blog again.

I’m now in a better place than I was before, where I feel able to share my story and opinions with you all. Where I feel comfortable and motivated. I’m ready to once more be my true self and to love life, which includes sharing content as Tea Time With Mikey.

So many of you have stuck by me too, both personally and professionally. I don’t feel I deserve it but I’m eternally grateful. Although I had to want it myself, I wouldn’t have gotten this far without the endless love and support from everyone.

It’s been a long, rocky road and I may very well slip up again, but I’m going to try this time. I’m going to love myself with all my heart. I’m going to keep both hope and faith. I can do it, I will do it, for me and for you.

Post by Michael Sallabank